Lady In Waiting

Many dreams since then you've had, have come and gone. The time might show.

But stress, don't you let in, don't you forget it. Trust you'll find your way love.

Hope is what your heart is made of. And don't you forget it.

Don't you forget your way home.

For that little girl, Hold on to your world.

- Glenn Lewis

G od gave me word.... He asked me to define the word 'wait'. And knowing God, that meant that He had asked me to wait before, and I must have been doing it wrongly.

I must have had my own interpretation of the word if He asked me to find the legal definition. Since, I was dealing with the issue of "waiting," I must have become impatient. I tried to make things go my way and disguised it to myself as aiding God. I thought I was "placing myself in position" for God to be God, but God is always God anywhere regardless of my position. I would go to church and they would still tell me to "wait upon the Lord and He would renew my strength," or "Let go and Let God," when I was really hoping to hear another message. But, in honesty, it got to a point where hearing 'wait' all the time after a while became a cliche and I did not know why I was waiting. "Waiting on the Lord" seemed like some unfruitful slogan that many just recited to get me to bear the unbearable.... So I waited. And, sometimes not knowing what I was waiting for. Many times waiting for something for so long I just felt like it was never going to happen. But when he asked me to define the word, the instruction he had given me so many times over, I thought it was the best thing He could have ever asked me to do.

I looked it up, read it, and it said...

1. To remain or rest in expectation: waiting for the guests to arrive. See Synonyms at stay.


2. To tarry until another catches up.


3. To remain or be in readiness: lunch waiting on the table.


4. To remain temporarily neglected, unattended to, or postponed: The trip will have to wait.


5. To work as a waiter or waitress.
   

I never considered the part that said "in expectation" or '"til another catches up," or to "be in readiness." I waited as if I was in a state of stagnation and as if God was stationary. I waited like the only moves God was trying to make were away from me. I figured God wanted to go and handle everyone else's business and was going to get back to me when my attitude had changed about something. But, I had forgotten that while it only seemed like things were on pause in the Natural, God was working overtime and diligently molding me and all the situations that involved me in the Supernatural. Yes I believe in God with entirety but something more must have been there, if I couldn't do a simple thing... WAIT.....

And then I realized, I did not wait because I did not trust. I was able to discover that the base of waiting involved trust. I have to trust in God with all my heart that He would not and could not forget me. But before trust, still were more issues that needed to surface. I needed to know that at the base of trusting was love. God personifies real and true love, not an earthly love that would undoubtedly disappoint. I have allowed things to cloud what love really is, what it meant, how it felt, acted, and came from. Understanding that God loved me meant walking in the revelation that He could not forget me because he loved me first; because I was His own. And the evidence of his presence in my life and manifestation of His love was His sacrifice.

Proverbs 4:7 says "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom, and upon thy getting, get understanding"...... Funny, I understand duty and responsibility.... But, I'm starting to believe through Godly wisdom that the breakdown is that I do not understand love.

But I will....