Who am I ?

Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.

Genesis 2:18

I really thank God for the gift of singleness and solitude. I thank God for helping me and keeping my mind and heart towards Him. I thank Him for his correction, and chastisement until I get the point He's been trying to make. I thank Him for the grace of one more day to get it right. Finally, I think I get what He's been pulling at me for years to let me know.

Tonight I came into the actualization that I do have a piece inside of me that functions so well that it will complete the right man. It is vital to his existence. What I have inside of me makes me a suitable, adapted, and complementary partner. He and I are two whole and functional pieces that shall make one whole part of the body of Christ. But, because lack of knowledge of Satan's wiles and tricks I became broken by many and thought I had to stay that way to live. I was afraid that if I began to walk in my fullest capacity, those around me would not be able to handle me.

Since childhood, it was frowned upon to be more intelligent or knowledgeable than "street." I was frowned upon for being thinner than "normal." It was frowned upon for following rules and guidelines because it was more attractive to live in disobedience to authority. Self- discipline seemed like cruelty to other people because I had limitations for safety for myself. Even though it wasn't a set rule, not to tease, not to let injustice ride, not to find the bad in others, it was something I lived by. I was lured into having an attitude rather than smile, lured into lying to cover up my obedience to a greater sense of morality, ethics, and God. Now that I'm looking back, I ask myself knowing that I lived a double life.... If that was never me, then who am I?

I've done countless bible studies on God's conversations with me. He said to me in a small voice, "My people have forgotten who I am. And, because of that they have lost themselves. They do whatever they see others do, whenever they 'feel.' But, I sent Christ as a small reminder of who they are because they can do greater works. They are like me. Princes, and Kings, Princesses and Queens of truth, righteous, light, and Holiness. Ambassadors for my grace. "

Tonight I've realized that I've subdued my strengths in my past, and put forth my weaknesses in order that people believe that I'm human just like them. But.... I'm not like them. I'm me. And there is something in me that God has made just like himself.

I realized that I've hidden my true desires and allowed my loving nature to be abused because I tried to adapt to a world that cannot accept the real.

I realized I won't even be true to myself because I don't want to be deemed as too outspoken, too eccentric, or too forthright....

But tonight I realize who I am.

I'm an artist. I'm a Prophetess. I'm a thinker. I'm determined. I'm a revolutionary.

I'm a singer. I'm an advocate. I'm polite. I'm humble. I'm a composer. I'm emotional.

I 'm a poet. I'm a writer. I'm focused. I'm a dancer. I'm a musician.

I'm a teacher. I'm a songwriter. I'm strong. I'm a Rapper. I'm faithful. I'm powerful.

I'm bubbly. I'm passionate. I'm an African. I'm a Christian. I'm beautiful.

I'm a leader. I'm nurturing. I'm classy. I'm sophisticated. I'm intelligent. I'm understanding.

I'm a visionary. I'm a dreamer. I'm ethereal. I'm forgiving and forgiven.

and I'm allowed to be that way without explanation or worry.

Once I begin to operate in those characteristics I can fully be effectively used by God because I'm yeilded to the Lord. Only God can judge how I deal with those traits he's blessed me with because he knows the true motives of my heart and how I use them.

All this time I was wondering why I haven't met the one yet, and God was really waiting on me to realize who I was because He's always known, my mate knows now, and I was the holdup. My mate recognizes me and the me I'm not. He knows I'm the missing piece because my future husband loves all those things about me so much it shines over my weaknesses. He encourages me to be myself and do what God says do no matter what. I love him because of that supernatural connection and bond... Thank you