Entering with a New Mind

     I had a break down the other day. Me, yes superwoman, couldn't fly! Can you believe it? It was my birthday and I still had to help others.  But, who rescues me? When the energy pack is down, where do I go to recharge it?  I admit, I never interviewed or applied for the superwoman's job.  But, destiny with God's hand saw fit for me to have the position. Who can say no to God's calling?- No one.  But a manual would definitely be nice!

     I looked at all of the roles I fulfill and almost lost my mind. I wondered, when did I acquire all of these new responsibilities, and how do I deal with the learning process to make it work? I realized I am climbing up the socioeconomic/cultural ladder, but when I look back on the rungs, I am unsure if I'm leaving behind things that make me, me. And, I find I'm troubled with the ascent of more knowledge and peace.

Cultural Perspective
I didn't know I'd be the resident minority speaker on fashion, culture, music, food, and recreation in my circles. No one likes labels but for the sake of writing and being clear, I have to use it. As an African woman, in a leading tech field the emotional toll is heavy. Superwoman has to transcend cultural bounds. If I'm in  majority American (non-immigrant or voluntary immigrant) groups I have to explain my hairstyles, eating preferences, musical tastes, etc, as its not "Black or African-American."  So I have to share or keep getting put in this horrible stereotypical box. Without a comment here or there, the most ignorant, insensitive people prevail.  I decided to wear my hair purposely in a curly afro style, make up and accessories as an honor to my people.  I will say though, that I'm tired of code-switching. With the wake of new American conditions here, when will the grand conversation on acceptance and tolerance occur?


Grad School
This step of my life brings me sweet days and miserable ones.  Yet, again the emotional toll is bananas because I've gotten to a place where I must speak up.Superwoman is in grad school too. As a matter of fact, it was probably a feat to get in grad school in the first place.  I struggle sometimes because my counterparts live in these cozy bubbles where only things they do and like are wonderful.  What a handicap! It bothers me because when we get to the subjects on reaching minority children many are clueless.  And why? Why is it so hard when minority children are simply children? They too are children with interests, strengths, and multiple intelligences, but now that broken families are across cultures and economic status, perhaps there can be a little more understanding since the Black home has long since been attacked and broken.  What the problem is for my fellow instructors is the lack of understanding about diverse thinking styles, expressions, opportunities due to historical constructs, etc. My take on it is that more minorities need opportunities to lead in fields directly related to their progress or we'll forever be trying to convince other groups how to help us. We need to lead in the sciences, education, arts and entertainment, sports, medicine,business, etc..  American mainstream needs to check the current measuring standards and make sure its proportionate/equal with ample affordable resources for minorities to be able to achieve more, or at the Grad level, we'll keep having to "perform'the 'majority group' standards alone" at a certain alien capacity instead of "excelling with respect to our diversity reaching both majority and minority, or excelling at working with minority populations" Enough said.

Marriage
I have learned that everything superwoman needs is connected to her superman if she has one. I was listening to Oprah and she said that her producers and staff can only do what they do because they have exceptional spouses. Some spouses able to handle all the requirement for superwoman to fulfill all of the roles assigned to her outside of the home keeping her at homeostasis.  My husband helps me streamline the procedures for laundry, cooking, business, work, and school with regard to opening up past cultural perceptions about what a husband and wife should/shouldn't do. And how much technology should be implemented in the home.

Work
I thought I would sit back and learn valuable lessons from my coworkers. But, superwoman appears there too.    Work is where I feel all the cultural, socioeconomic, and marriage differences.  As I work diligently to sharpen my superwoman vision in grad school, I have to apply it to my work because there are many girls  and minority students needing my assistance in technology education.


Luckily,
My husband has been putting it down for me, and I'm becoming refreshed again to fight on.





Inspired by life growth....

New Mentality

I intend to fill you

I am gonna fill you
when you're lonely
I intend to fill every single
neglected crevice of emptiness
I'm gonna fill it
with companionship
and not mix it with lust or confuse relations with relationship
I was made for you
when you're feeling empty
So you can hold me
Because I am Holy
I wanna grow in the Lord with you
So get to know me
Because no matter how high we go ther's always
another level.
No matter how
wind blows ,We're anchored in the Lord
So our matters are always settled
No matter how
Fast or slow life goes
As long as we endure
We both get the medal
Let my sound waves
fill your heart caves
Let's fast on friendship and scripture
and picuture
this when you say there's something missing from your life
Maybe it's the peace of my kiss, of my lips, my hips
Dancing in your husbandly bliss
Yes, this is for you
Love me as Christ loved the church
and I'll keep on praising you too,
for all of the goodness you do,
I intend to fill you

© 2001 Broken Wings Publishing

Peace (For Anthony's funeral)

Anthony
Grant me
the opportunity
To honor your giving heart today
To commend you for your strength tommorrow
To praise you for a loving temperament, my caring cherubim
each and every day that shall follow.
That awful beast that has tormented you,
has NOT defeated you ,NOR succeeded you
Because God has blessed you
Rested you, transformed you, and mended your being
God hath looketh upon your angelic face and said
"Peace, my son"
For the battle was not yours to be won
Peace for we will not weep
But feel whole,
For encountering such a peaceful soul
Death be not proud,
For death is never victorious
For he that speaks of the Lord
will find his refuge and be protected by his fortress
and sheilded from darkness and live on to see things glorious
Peace for your body was weak ,
But now you are strong
Peace for pain knows not your name
Anymore
Peace for
thought your body lays low
your spirit is far above
Peace for you will always be rembered
and loved
Rest now and we'll remember how
Peace ran through your blood

© 2001 Broken Wings Publishing

The Cause (Africa Personified)

How dare they rape me,
degrade me,
call me unGodly,
steal my babies,
murder and mame me?
Yet they're afraid of me,
petrified of my freedom subsconciously,
Undoubtedly,
shouting they hate me
And all I did was exist?
Born from royalty,
Long line of untaught Kings and Queens
From Makeda to Nzinga
to Nefertari; who from her namesake begat Nefertiti
No, I am not bound by this mortality
And will not blame the devil who sees through
eyes of stupidity and isUnearthly,
I will get my just reciprocation
When my children pursue their rightful education
and begin to praise their ancestry in me
and teach their revelations
and subdue the nations of the ignorant
While my excitement exponentially heightens
from their constant elevation

Attraction

See, I've been diggin' your style

For a while now

And I'm wondering how

Exactly I got caught up in your smile

I can't hide how I enjoy our attraction

'Cause just the mere satisfaction

of one deep stare in those ebony eyes

leaves me mesmorized in a feeling of

gratification. Once I even heard those

eyes say "have it your way,

and if you want you can decide"


So I felt obliged

to look further down inside ME

ressurecting passions that died

reaching out to unconcious desires

so silently I gave them a reply

Palms sweating like it wa the middle of July

feeling relieved like I had my one last cry

knees weak from lack of speech

like you were the moon and I was the beach

and your gravitational pull seduced me to tides

while the soft lull of the seduction left me

hypnotized. my lips trembling, but my mouth

watering. I wanted to eat your hands

so they could be my sustenance. My

body rhymically responded to subsequential

actions of your influential movements

and at that point I remembered

how much I liked the sensual dance.

Loneliness

Who can ignore the therapeutic
Value of a pair of intentful hands?
Why can't I just close my eyes, lay back
and be mystified while you
touch me on white sands...

Or why can't the pitter-patter
Of thunderstorming cause urgencies
Of you whispering how it's wet
outside, and you're thinking of
having me dripping...

I want to know a name
that is straight up synonymous
with exactness of a kiss
while my yearn for you
becomes a habit

See in all actuality the sensuality
of the principality of a delicate touch
is not in fact, asking too much

See for me the noise of silence
is an act of violence, I want to
hear your voice and make some noise
I may be lonely but not bitter
I long for a companion that makes my soul quiver

Or maybe
I was meant to be lonely
Because once I heard a story
And in the story when the poet struggles
and feels constant pain,
Her poems were nothing less than beauty
Yet, when she was happy
The power of her poems just weren't the same...

Is this loneliness now my certain fate?

© 1999 Broken Wings Publishing